Monday, October 23, 2006



Drowning in your lies
shifting gears
trying to keep up,
stay focused,
be flexible-
bend but don’t break
reach but don’t touch
feel but not too much.

Happy not sad
easy not hard
close but distant
here but not there
now but not then.

So when?
Slowly descend into despair
can’t keep up
can’t fall back
can’t go forward

Stuck here with nothing
only dark things
Can’t get out of bed
can’t see the sun
can’t see the moon
can’t see me and you.

Far away a breeze blows
sweet, clean, and clear
Sweeping through the darkness
bringing something new
something to hang on to
something real
but just out of reach

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Anniversary Day

Written on the what would have been my 21st annivesary.... so much healing has happened since the divorce I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Anniversary Day

My heart remembers,
times and places
people and things.

Placed in time
by numbers
don’t mean much to you-
set my soul by them.

Each year they come and go
and I remember.
Each passing
in my mind’s eye
like a photograph.

Faded black and white images
vivid color pieces of time
split second moments
captured fragments of life.

Tears fall
laughter bubbles up
treasured moments
remembered with a sigh.

This life is short,
the journey rocky
paved with these memories.

Wouldn’t trade a single minute-
they have brought me here
to this understanding
to this place
to this anniversary day.

Coffee Steaming in the Morning...

Coffee Steaming in the Morning...

How quiet the morning is
fog swirling through the trees
gray light settles around me
the fresh smell of morning
tickles my nose
as I take in a deep breath
and sigh.
Another day beginning

I long to sit in the quiet
the fog kissing my face
the birds huddling in the cold
the cats sitting on
the cement sidewalk
fur puffed,
eyes closed against the cool morning.
A cup of coffee in my hand
and time…

Drinking in the peace
the solitude
the quiet beauty
of the moment.

That moment before
time wakes
and chaos breaks
the silence.

Beauty fades
with the fog
and life intrudes.

Another day
another dollar
bends my back
with it’s weight.


Slowly circling the perimeter
touching every surface
feeling every crack
in the stone walls
that surround me
that keep closing in.

Darkness follows my feet
softly flowing under them,
whispering it’s secrets
so no one can hear.

Memories reach for me
filtering in through the dark
picture fragments
floating just out of touch
they pass by.

Searching for the door
that leads to the light
away from the whispers
the memories
the clutching fingers
of desperation
and fear.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Hang over you left me with...

Complex, convoluted, corrupted
destroyed, dethroned, demanding
undercover, understated, underrated
slipping through my fingers
like last night’s dreams of you.

Dreams of you that filter through
a fog of Celexa and sleep
reaching out for me
they keep
me unstable
and completely unable
to move.

Is it you or someone
I dreamt of
being you?

Twisted in the bed sheets
caught in the sleep
I reach for you
but you were just a dream.
So far away from the truth
just out of reach.
Too foggy, to far removed
from the universe where you shine.

I can still smell your soap on my pillow
feel your skin on my skin
your heart beating inside of mine.
A dream, just a dream.

I long for your stories
your arms around my shoulders
the laugh in your voice
the little boy in your blue eyes.
A dream, just a dream
you keep slipping away…
slipping away with the dawning light.


Your words are like daggers
reaching into my heart
cutting through
to the center
of where it beats.
Each syllable takes
another slice
and the blood flows…

And my soul
rises up
stretching, reaching
longing for
the next sound

Swirling through
the atmosphere
until it finds the
next verse
the next rhyme
the next couplet

Soaring through the simplicity
the pure emotion
it had long ago locked away…

I can’t drink it all in
it runs down my chin
my heart beats
faster with every
drop that hits
the ground..

A heart awakened
by words,
a pure, sweet voice
and a cacophony of sound
now beats unfettered
by the defeats
of this world…


Pictures move
swirling twirling dancing around my head
fighting for first place
bright colors shouting for attention.
Faded memories slipping past
catching the light
for a moment
then tumbling away
like a whisper.
Eyes, twinkling in the light
like stars
deep pools of
So captivating
I want to drown in them.

The sound of your heart
beating beneath my fingers
keeps me safe
reminds me that I am alive….

Step through time
drifting back among
the ruins that line my memory
snippets and portraits pass
through the corridors..
a child wanders, lost
in the maze that surrounds her
wondering where
she stepped off the path
and why no one noticed.

Searching for the hand
to guide her
to show her the light
to show her the way out…
the way back to herself
because now she is grown
but still wanders
wondering if anyone
will ever take her home…

First post....

This space is a place to ramble, grumble and express...
Both you and I.....